When I’m in my room with my headphones on, that can only mean one thing. Thanks to my tolerant roommate, I’m usually able to blast my music freely from my small but competent desktop speakers. However, there’s one pseudo-genre I love that’s just between me and my iTunes: cheesy techno. Techno isn’t really the right moniker for this music (it’s more a mix of house and Euro), so I prefer to think of it as the Gunther genre after everyone’s favorite bemulleted Swedish pleasure man. You know the sound: heavy on the synth hooks, possibly with some accented pop vocals for good measure. The more vapid the lyrics, the better—for example, there’s Toybox’s aptly named “Tarzan Song” and its chorus of “Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong / He’s sweet and cute, and his hair is long,” not to mention Gunther’s own “Ohhhh…you touch my tra-la-la.”
It’s obvious why this kind of music is played at parties if you’ve ever seen a dance floor electrify when Cascada comes on, but you’d think that the Gunther genre wouldn’t have any purpose outside this sphere due to its complete lack of depth. That’s why I normally keep my love of this music away from the prying ears of my Keeney hallway. In fact, the dance hits just aren’t enough for me—I regularly scour the dance music forum puroeuro.com for even more. While I’m not an electronic expert, I do listen to a lot of the critically acclaimed (or just not critically mocked) examples of the genre, artists like, Daft Punk, Simian Mobile Disco, and The Knife. When I have great music like this to satisfy my cravings for bass and blips, why would I seek pleasure in soulless songs with lyrics like “Ding dong, it’s a Christmas song” and titles like “Phonesex”?
Frankly, I think it comes down to the basic human desire for instant gratification. Songs like these are all about delivering the maximum amount of ear candy. The best cheesy electronic songs are simply layers of both obvious and subtle hooks mixed with solid beats. Like McDonald’s French fries, they’re fast, crisp, and tasty. I don’t just listen to a great Gunther genre track like Danijay’s “Arcobaleno,” I’m addicted to it, salivating until my favorite parts and wishing I could hear them over and over. In contrast, a Daft Punk song utilizes some of these instant gratification techniques but functions more as a cohesive unit, a more difficult task that’s worthy of respect. Still, crafting musical crack requires undeniable skill and the ability to tap into our most primal aural needs. Maybe Gunther deserves a little more credit than we’re currently giving him. Anyways, it’s definitely time for me to shout my love from the rooftops: my name’s Eva, and I’m a cheesy techno addict.
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